FAQ section 7

7) People Issues

7.1) My mother is driving me crazy. She wants to control every aspect of the wedding.

If your mother is hosting (this often translates to paying for) the wedding, you aren't really on very firm ground to insist on doing things your way. The best you can do is try to convince your mother to do things your way. It is sometimes helpful to give your mother complete "creative control" over some aspects of the wedding.

If, on the other hand, you are hosting the wedding yourselves, then it is your party and you have every right to tell your mother in a polite way that you've decided to do things another way.

In this situation, it's important to remember that some mothers have very firm ideas of how they wanted their daughters to get married, and they may have looked forward to planning the wedding together with their daughters for many years.

7.2) Who should walk me down the aisle, my natural father or my stepfather?

Whichever you feel closer to is the simple answer, but we all know life is not so simple. If you are unable to decide between them, or wish to honor them both, you could have one of them walk you halfway down the aisle and the other the rest of the way. You could also sidestep the entire issue by having your mother walk you down the aisle.

7.3) My parents had a messy divorce, and they both say they won't attend the wedding if the other comes. How can I resolve this?

Your parents are supposedly grown adults. They are also your parents. Parents should not try to force their children into deciding between them. Adults should be able to have the minimal contact with each other that attending the same social function requires, no matter how much they hate each other.

Caving in to this pressure to choose between them is probably not a good idea. Invite them both, and if they are so childish, let them both not attend.

Of course you can assure them that you will make every effort to make sure they have as little contact with each other as possible.

The contents of this document are copyright 2004 Sonja Kueppers. Do not use without permission.

Last Modified: May 15, 2004